A college junior is being praised for her handling of a situation where she booted a man who graduated years ago out of a party for her fencing team.
In the post, the student, u/purpldingo, earned over 9,600 upvotes and 1,100 comments for her post, “[Am I The A**hole] for publicly telling this guy ‘This is a COLLEGE party. You are 26’ and kicking him out of my party?” to the popular r/AmITheA**hole Reddit forum.
She says she’s on a coed fencing team at her college. They sometimes hold team parties, and she says that since she lives with two of her teammates, her home has become the designated party house to no objection.
One of these parties happened recently, and the whole team was invited, along with friends and significant others. However, they also had an uninvited guest, “Pete,” a 26-year-old alumnus from the college, who, despite not being enrolled anymore, keeps trying to hit on students at college parties.
“As an underclassmen it always p**sed me off when the people throwing the parties would let in him and other guys who had graduated because I and the other underclassmen girls just wanted to party with people our age, not deal with creepy losers trying to get with college girls. It also p**sed me off it was played off like a joke, with freshman girls being called ‘fresh meat,'” u/purpldingo wrote.
Her previous run-ins with Pete and folks like him led the original poster (OP) to set some ground rules for her parties—no one outside of standard college age, and troublemakers get kicked out. She also asked her friends to let her know if they were planning to invite more than one other person, or someone who didn’t go to their college.
When she threw the party, however, Pete showed up, and knocked on the door trying to come in. She tells him it’s a “college party” for students only, and he argues that he was on the fencing team when he attended the school.
“I tell him I’ve been in the club for 3 years and he hasn’t been at one practice. He said he graduated the year before that. I ask him his age and he says 26. I’m getting frustrated so I yell ‘This is a COLLEGE party. You are 26.’ And tell him to leave,” she wrote.
She says she got some pushback from some of the men on the team, since Pete had been invited in the past. They also said that since they were open house parties, alumni were generally invited as well.
“I got irritated and said maybe alumni need to not p**s off the ‘fresh meat’ lest the ‘fresh meat’ grows up and tells them to f**k off,” she wrote, but adds that she later felt conflicted, since she did change the rules for the traditional club parties.
She added in a comment that the pushback from her male teammates confused her.
“I was so baffled because they were saying that he’d never caused issues??,” the OP wrote. “And I was like ‘are we talking about the same guy? We all literally hate him and have for years’ Because for literally years every girl in my class (starting as freshman and now juniors) has been like ‘who the f**k let this m**o in?’ And ‘what the f**k is wrong with this guy, coming around every year and only ever talking to 18 year old girls who’ve never drank before’ and ‘Oh jesus not this a** again.'”
Many colleges encourage alumni to take an interest in the school even after graduation. They will host special alumni events, and invite them back to campus. And sometimes, recent graduates will still live nearby as their friends are still in school for another year or so.
But the Omega Fi fraternity says that while it’s good to be interested in one’s college after graduation—it’s important not to be “that guy,” as they call him. The first item on their list of how not to be “that guy”? Don’t show up to undergrad parties and creep out the other guests.
Omega Fi does encourage occasional visits back to the college to share stories with students and act as a role model—but part of being that role model involves not imposing, and realizing that since they’re out of college, it’s no longer appropriate to treat the students as peers.
Redditors backed the OP for evicting Pete from her party.
“You know why he keeps hanging around freshman? He can’t get anyone his age,” u/realauthormattjanak wrote in the top-rated comment with 16,800 upvotes. “Since this blew up, obviously [Not the A**hole].”
The OP replied saying Pete also would strike out with freshmen, and that her friends agreed back then he wasn’t welcome around them.
“If he turns up at parties (not the ones you’re hosting, but ones you’re invited to), can all the girls just leave? That might start sending a message to these guys that they’ve also got no chance of a relationship with any girl, whether friendship or romantic or physical, if they keep letting that douche in,” u/Eerawai suggested.
“As a woman in my early 30s, I am so damn proud of you Gen Z girls and women for standing up for yourselves. A 26 year old who isn’t in college and refers to freshmen as ‘fresh meat’ should absolutely not be allowed near freshmen. Keep on doing what you’re doing, be proud of yourself for standing up for other girls,” u/prettyorganist replied.
“Gen Xer & former ‘fresh meat’ here: Not only are you [Not the A**hole], you are a f**king hero. Well done. Let’s hope this new tradition sticks,” u/LJ_in_NY added.
“[Not the A**hole] I’m from a small town where it’s DISGUSTINGLY accepted that guys clear up in their 20s all hangout in the high school parking lot hanging out with young high school girls. I never realized how gross it was until my abusive ex at 28 was dating a girl I had baby sat as a kid and no one batted an eye. It is gross, creepy and needs to be called out,” u/Pinkremote21 said.
Newsweek reached out to u/purpldingo for comment.