A while back, I was at a house party. I arrived with some friends. On the way to the house party we ran into another crew of people. The leader of that crew was very confident. He was louder than everyone, he kept egging on some of the guys in my crew just for the sake of causing drama. It was all in good fun. He put all of us into a good mood.
When we all got to the house, the party was not very exciting. Some people were dancing in a comatose fashion by themselves, one or two other people were "grinding", but that was it. Our crew of people were more excited to get to the party than the people who were in the party.
This confident guy I spoke about grabbed the cutest girl he could find. Dragged her to the dance floor, and immediately started "daggering" her. If you do not know what this is, it's a Jamaican dance move. Look it up on YouTube right now, and you'll understand exactly why everyone at the party immediately amped up their excitement by at least 1000%.
I was taken off my guard, (I rarely expect other guys to out do me at the party), so I was the second guy to grab a cute girl and we took the boring party, and turned it into one of the most electrifying bash I've seen in University.
When people are around someone with confidence, they feel relieved. It's like they have permission to do the things that they wanted to do in the first place. This is literally what people me when they say, "He was the life of the party." Without that confident guy, people would not feel like they had permission do have the fun that they were having.
People are silently looking to be lead, that's why when you have confidence, people follow you. There is a direct correlation between confidence and leadership. As the party went on, I noticed that EVERYONE in the room was looking at my confident friend. If he did something, that meant that they could too … However, while everyone was looking at my friend friend, he never noticed them, he only focused on himself. Confident people have the ability to forget outside circumstances and focus on only on themselves. They can do what the famous spiritual author Eckhart Tolle calls, "be present".
Being present, allows you to have that full confidence that other people admire you for. It is the opposite of being self conscious – or caring what other people think. Spiritual leaders have all sorts of weird esoteric methods for being present. I will teach you how, without getting to complicated.
Confidence and insecure are the opposite ends of the same spectrum. Do not try to get from one end to the other. This is too difficult. When you feel insecure at a party, just try to get to the half way point of the spectrum. That point is called indifference. Do not care what other people think no matter what.
Instead of trying to be cool, just make up your mind that you will have fun no matter what when you go to a party. When I first tried to do this, I went to a party all by myself. I felt very awkward by myself, but I forced myself not to care. Then I went on the dance floor and started dancing by myself. I forced myself to have fun no matter what.
I became fully present to the moment after a while. I think what helped me to get over my insecure, was that I closed my eyes, and I refused to look at anyone who might think I looked weird or stupid. I just danced until I knew I was having a blast.
Then I walked up to the first cute girl I saw, and asked her to dance. I will spare the details but things went wonderfully.
Confidence is a crucial part of social success in College. I go into several detail on how to improve your confidence on my blog. Be sure to check it out!